Sunday, February 27, 2011
That's Indian....Lazy but not dumb
An Englishman and an Indian are sitting next to each other on a long
flight.
The Englishman is thinking that Indians are so dumbthat he could put one
over them easy.
So the Englishman asks if the Indian would like to playa fun game.
The Indian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely
declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The Englishman persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask
you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you
$500," he says.
This catches the Indian's attention and to keep the Englishman quiet, he
agrees to play the game.
The Englishman asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the
Earth to the Moon?'
The Indian doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the Englishman.
Now it's the Indian's turn. He asks, 'What goes up a hill with three
legs and comes down with four?'
The Englishman uses his laptop and searches all references he can find
on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.
After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the Indian and hands him $500. The Indian pockets the $500 and
goes right back to sleep.
The Englishman is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the
Indian up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and
comes down with four?'
The Indian reaches into his pocket, hands the Englishman $5 and goes
back to sleep.
flight.
The Englishman is thinking that Indians are so dumbthat he could put one
over them easy.
So the Englishman asks if the Indian would like to playa fun game.
The Indian is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely
declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The Englishman persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask
you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you
$500," he says.
This catches the Indian's attention and to keep the Englishman quiet, he
agrees to play the game.
The Englishman asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the
Earth to the Moon?'
The Indian doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the Englishman.
Now it's the Indian's turn. He asks, 'What goes up a hill with three
legs and comes down with four?'
The Englishman uses his laptop and searches all references he can find
on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.
After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the Indian and hands him $500. The Indian pockets the $500 and
goes right back to sleep.
The Englishman is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the
Indian up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and
comes down with four?'
The Indian reaches into his pocket, hands the Englishman $5 and goes
back to sleep.
Appraisal letter..
हमेशा की तरह 10 बजे ठुमकते हुए office आया ,
11 बजे तक नाश्ता किया और बारह बजे तक mail ही पढ़ पाया ,
हमेशा की तरह आज भी मुझे आलस आ रहा था ,
और मेरा PM मुझे तिरछी निगाहों से देख - देख गुस्सा रहा था ,
मैं बड़े concentration के साथ एक "Careful" mail पढ़ रहा था ,
तभी देखा मेरे PM ke नाम का नया mail कोने मैं blink कर रहा था ,
फिर कोई training attend करनी होगी , ये क्या बकवास है ,
क्या reply मैं लिख दूँ की मेरे mailbox का उपवास है ?
मैंने आँखें बंद की और 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
और प्रणाम karte huye मैंने वो मेल खोला ,
PM के इस मेल मैं एक अजीब सा सुकून और भोलापन है ,
likha है भाइयों appraisal letters आ गए , अब तो one -to-one hai,
मॅन मैं ऐसे बुरे बुरे ख्याल आ रहे थे ,
ऊपर से कुछ लोग मेरे "de-appraisal" की गन्दी affwah उड़ा रहे थे ,
PM को letter लाते देख हर कोई use देखता जाता है ,
जैसे mallika के किसी नए गाने को देखा जाता है ,
आखिर वो वक़्त आया ,PM ने एक एक kar sabako ander बुलाया ,
जो भी अंदर जाता हँसता हुआ जाता ,
जो बहार आता , मुरझाया hua aata,
बहार आ कर इंसान संभल भी नहीं पता है ,
की " कितना हुआ kitna मीला " हर कोई उसपे टूट जाता है ,
किसी एक को appraisal मैं 2000 rupaye मिले थे , मैं उसकी हंसी उड़ा रहा था ,
तभी मैंने देखा मेरा PM इशारे से मुझे अंदर बुला रहा था ,
मैं confidence से उठा और आगे कदम बढाया ,
तभी मेरी belt का buckle टूट के नीकल आया ,
मेरी हालत तो अभी से ही बुरी हो गयी ,
साला इज्ज़त उतरना तो यही से शुरू हो गयी ,
मैं अंदर पहुंचा और PM ने मुझे बिठाया ,
उसने मेरा letter पढा और वो हंसी रोक न पाया ,
वोह इतना हंसा की usse आंसू आ गए ,
क्या मेरे appraisal digits usse इतने भा गए ,
जैसे ही उसने appraisal letter मेरी तरफ बढाया ,
मेरी आँखों के आगे घनघोर अँधेरा छाया ,
मुझे लगा जैसे मेरे dil की दीवार को किसी ने गोबर से पोता है ,
अरे यार " बीस rupaye" ? ये भी कोई increment होता है ?
ये software indusrty है , अखाडा नहीं है ,
ये "SALARY INCREMENT" है , दादर आने - जाने का भाडा नहीं है ,
मेरे चारों तरफ कलि घटा छायी , तभी मेरे PM की soothing आवाज़ आई ,
तुम सोच रहे होगे के company mgmt का दिमाग फिर गया है ,
पर बेटा हम क्या करें , dollar का bhav 2 rupaye जो gir गया है ,
पर फिर भी मुझे लगता है , ये letter fake है ,
मुझे तो लगता है ये printing mistake है ,
तुम HR मैं जाओ , और ये confirm करके आओ ,
भाई HR मैं जाने के लिए तैयार होना पड़ता है ,
वही तो ऐसी जगह है जहाँ सुंदर लड़कियों से पला पड़ता है ,
shitt!! जहाँ "Renuka " बैठी है , आज वहां बैठा "Aftab" hai,
मैं समझ गया बेटा , आज अपना luck ही ख़राब है ,
उसने मेरा letter खोला , और खुश हो के बोला ,
वो बोला sir आप के लिए खुशखबरी है ,
आप के letter ने "Printing mistake" पकड़ी है ,
मैंने कहा boss अब देर न लगाएं ,
और मुझे मेरा actual amount बताएं ,
sorry sir ये mistake just by एक्सीडेंट है ,
बीस rupaye नहीं , दो rupaye आप का increment है ,
मैं क्या करूं आप को ये बताते हुए मेरा dil रो रहा है ,
पर क्या करें dollar का भाव भी तो कम हो रहा है ,
मैं बस वहाँ खडा था , कुछ समझ नहीं आ रहा था ,
मुझसे ज्यादा increment तो security वाला पा रहा था ,
मैंने खुद को संभाला , खुद को उठाया ,
मैं लौटा और सीधे PM के पास आया ,
मैं सीधा उसके केबिन गया और दरवाज़ा खोला ,
इस से पहले की वो बोले , मैं ही उस से बोला ,
sir ये पैसे वापिस ले लीजिये , बात करना फीजूल है ,
मैं गरीब हूँ , पर भीख नहीं लेता ये मेरा उसूल है |.
11 बजे तक नाश्ता किया और बारह बजे तक mail ही पढ़ पाया ,
हमेशा की तरह आज भी मुझे आलस आ रहा था ,
और मेरा PM मुझे तिरछी निगाहों से देख - देख गुस्सा रहा था ,
मैं बड़े concentration के साथ एक "Careful" mail पढ़ रहा था ,
तभी देखा मेरे PM ke नाम का नया mail कोने मैं blink कर रहा था ,
फिर कोई training attend करनी होगी , ये क्या बकवास है ,
क्या reply मैं लिख दूँ की मेरे mailbox का उपवास है ?
मैंने आँखें बंद की और 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
और प्रणाम karte huye मैंने वो मेल खोला ,
PM के इस मेल मैं एक अजीब सा सुकून और भोलापन है ,
likha है भाइयों appraisal letters आ गए , अब तो one -to-one hai,
मॅन मैं ऐसे बुरे बुरे ख्याल आ रहे थे ,
ऊपर से कुछ लोग मेरे "de-appraisal" की गन्दी affwah उड़ा रहे थे ,
PM को letter लाते देख हर कोई use देखता जाता है ,
जैसे mallika के किसी नए गाने को देखा जाता है ,
आखिर वो वक़्त आया ,PM ने एक एक kar sabako ander बुलाया ,
जो भी अंदर जाता हँसता हुआ जाता ,
जो बहार आता , मुरझाया hua aata,
बहार आ कर इंसान संभल भी नहीं पता है ,
की " कितना हुआ kitna मीला " हर कोई उसपे टूट जाता है ,
किसी एक को appraisal मैं 2000 rupaye मिले थे , मैं उसकी हंसी उड़ा रहा था ,
तभी मैंने देखा मेरा PM इशारे से मुझे अंदर बुला रहा था ,
मैं confidence से उठा और आगे कदम बढाया ,
तभी मेरी belt का buckle टूट के नीकल आया ,
मेरी हालत तो अभी से ही बुरी हो गयी ,
साला इज्ज़त उतरना तो यही से शुरू हो गयी ,
मैं अंदर पहुंचा और PM ने मुझे बिठाया ,
उसने मेरा letter पढा और वो हंसी रोक न पाया ,
वोह इतना हंसा की usse आंसू आ गए ,
क्या मेरे appraisal digits usse इतने भा गए ,
जैसे ही उसने appraisal letter मेरी तरफ बढाया ,
मेरी आँखों के आगे घनघोर अँधेरा छाया ,
मुझे लगा जैसे मेरे dil की दीवार को किसी ने गोबर से पोता है ,
अरे यार " बीस rupaye" ? ये भी कोई increment होता है ?
ये software indusrty है , अखाडा नहीं है ,
ये "SALARY INCREMENT" है , दादर आने - जाने का भाडा नहीं है ,
मेरे चारों तरफ कलि घटा छायी , तभी मेरे PM की soothing आवाज़ आई ,
तुम सोच रहे होगे के company mgmt का दिमाग फिर गया है ,
पर बेटा हम क्या करें , dollar का bhav 2 rupaye जो gir गया है ,
पर फिर भी मुझे लगता है , ये letter fake है ,
मुझे तो लगता है ये printing mistake है ,
तुम HR मैं जाओ , और ये confirm करके आओ ,
भाई HR मैं जाने के लिए तैयार होना पड़ता है ,
वही तो ऐसी जगह है जहाँ सुंदर लड़कियों से पला पड़ता है ,
shitt!! जहाँ "Renuka " बैठी है , आज वहां बैठा "Aftab" hai,
मैं समझ गया बेटा , आज अपना luck ही ख़राब है ,
उसने मेरा letter खोला , और खुश हो के बोला ,
वो बोला sir आप के लिए खुशखबरी है ,
आप के letter ने "Printing mistake" पकड़ी है ,
मैंने कहा boss अब देर न लगाएं ,
और मुझे मेरा actual amount बताएं ,
sorry sir ये mistake just by एक्सीडेंट है ,
बीस rupaye नहीं , दो rupaye आप का increment है ,
मैं क्या करूं आप को ये बताते हुए मेरा dil रो रहा है ,
पर क्या करें dollar का भाव भी तो कम हो रहा है ,
मैं बस वहाँ खडा था , कुछ समझ नहीं आ रहा था ,
मुझसे ज्यादा increment तो security वाला पा रहा था ,
मैंने खुद को संभाला , खुद को उठाया ,
मैं लौटा और सीधे PM के पास आया ,
मैं सीधा उसके केबिन गया और दरवाज़ा खोला ,
इस से पहले की वो बोले , मैं ही उस से बोला ,
sir ये पैसे वापिस ले लीजिये , बात करना फीजूल है ,
मैं गरीब हूँ , पर भीख नहीं लेता ये मेरा उसूल है |.
Human Resources Manager
One day while walking down the street, a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind n cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
...
...
....
....
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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
Sixth sense
A Father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there,
drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbour James dropped dead on our Porch."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there,
drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbour James dropped dead on our Porch."
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